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2 Signs You Aren’t Speaking Their ‘Love Language’ — By A Psychologist
As a psychologist, I’ve seen countless couples struggle to understand and meet each other’s emotional needs. It’s not uncommon for well-intentioned partners to misinterpret their partner’s love language or worse, neglect to prioritize it altogether. But what if I told you that there are two key signs that indicate you’re not speaking your partner’s love language?
Sign #1: You’re Focusing on the Wrong Emphasis
You might be using words of affirmation (e.g., complimenting their appearance), but they yearn for quality time or acts of service. Conversely, you could be showering them with gifts while neglecting to spend quality time together. It’s crucial to recognize that love languages are not a one-size-fits-all approach; what matters is finding the specific way your partner feels most valued and loved.
The study I mentioned earlier found that matching love languages isn’t necessarily about being emotionally intuitive but rather a skill you can learn and practice. Imagine learning a new dialect for the sake of better communication. It might not come naturally at first, but with intention, you can become fluent.
To get started, ask your partner directly: “What makes you feel most loved by me?” If they’re unsure, take time to explore the five love languages together and reflect on past moments when they felt deeply cared for. Keep in mind that people generally enjoy all five forms of love to some degree — but tend to value one or two above others.
Sign #2: You’re Struggling With Consistency
You may have initially got it right, but life got busy, and your gestures became sporadic. This inconsistency can be just as damaging as never trying at all. A recent study published in The Family Journal highlights the role of intentionality and consistency in genuinely meeting a partner’s love language needs.
Researchers discovered that what matters most isn’t the type of love language being used but rather how intentionally and consistently it is practiced. Giving your partner a surprise gift or an impromptu compliment may be sweet, but if you haven’t been engaging with them regularly, they might still feel disconnected.
Consistency signals commitment and attentiveness, fostering trust that you will follow-through on your promises. Love languages aren’t a to-do list; it’s an ongoing practice. Just as watering a plant requires regular tending, love needs continuous nurturing. Start small by incorporating small acts of love into your daily routine.
To deepen your understanding, ask yourself: “What am I doing this week that makes my partner feel loved? What can I improve on next week?” This approach creates emotional safety and new opportunities for growth.
Remember, it’s essential to be patient with each other as you navigate the process. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about making an effort to learn, adjust, and keep trying.
Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2025/04/15/2-signs-you-arent-speaking-their-love-language—by-a-psychologist/
